The School Conundrum

Where's Falkor when you need him?

Mayor Bloomberg just announced that New York Public Schools are going to be closed for students tomorrow and Friday; however, for teachers, we are expected to return to work on Friday to prepare for the opening of school on Monday.

...would someone like to tell me how I'm supposed to get to school? Here are the obstacles:

1. There are no subways running under the east river, so I have no access to Manhattan via trains.
2. Do you really think getting on a train that goes UNDER a river and THROUGH flooded stations is a smart decision? You're just asking to get trapped. No thank you.
3. I have no access to bus service into Manhattan, and if I did, how long do you think it would take me to get from Crown Heights to Riverdale in the Bronx? I better leave today to get there by Friday morning.
4. How would I get home, even if I made it to school?
5. Seriously, what are we supposed to do at work with half a staff (if we're lucky) and no students?
6. If I get hurt, I'm suing the city.

Possible modes of transportation: Falkor (duh), rowboat, catapult, Pegasus, piggyback ride, steal a bicycle and leave in one hour, get Will Smith or Denzel Washington to lead me through destroyed areas, join a zombie squad to guide me through danger, or teleportation (preferred method...although Falkor would be sweet).

I hope that Walcott is smart and won't dock us pay if we physically can't get to school. There are lots of dumb school officials, so I won't hold my breath. Unless I have to swim to school. Then that'd be necessary. No one wants to drown.